As the bus rushed by

A Bus rushed by.She had waved her hand..but it didn’t stop.So had he.They looked at each other..and smiled hesitantly…this was the fourth bus  they’d been waving at…

It was getting late.She had to reach office by 6.Her shift started at 6.15,,and it was already 5.30.She had missed her cab again!Drat those evening salsa classes!!!

He had no reason to rush home.It was just the normal Wednesday for him.All he had to do was go back to the flat..watch TV for sometime, take bath,have dinner..and sleep.”I’l try the dhaba  today”he thought to himself.Thats when it started raining.

They rushed back into the shade of the bus stop. It was hardly a cover..Cause the rain was pelting down now.And the wind was blowing hard too. There were cars on the road..but not a bus to be sighted!!...and “where are all the rikshaw guys???”she thought to herself.She clutched her bag to herself…Thank god she had left the file back at office yesterday!

He wished he had a cigarette wid him rt then.The weather was awesome!The rain had just “happened” without a warning….and well, the wind would snuff out his smoke before it was lighted..but aah!..it was always good to smoke in the rain! He checked his pockets. He had a gum...and his wallet.Well,gum it was then!..not that he liked it too much..but there wasn’t anything else to do. He unwrapped the gum he kept for emergencies...And there was a gust of wind. The wrapper was blown towards the lady in blue..shitt!!!

She kept checking her watch…and time seemed to be flying…The wind was blowing hard messing up her carefully done hair.Shebent over her bag looking for her band..or something to tie her hair ..and something hit her right on the face.It was a piece of paper..no a wrapper..”must have been blown by the wind”,she thought..thats when she saw him looking apologetically at her.

Sorry..about that”he said.

“Err..wha..oh the wrapper?...thats alright”..

And they smiled at each other.

“Looks like we’l be stuck here for sometime”,he said.

“Yeah…..n no autos also.God!m gonna be late!!”she said…”I’m having night shift and it starts at 6.30” she offered.she finally found the hair band she was searching for and pulled  it out.A toy train fell out with it.She smiled picking it up..  “3 year olds!!!” and stuffed it back into her bag.

“Night shift?That must be tough..So where you working?” he asked taking in the pretty face and demure attire…”Very pretty…”he thought to himself.

“XYZ Technologies”,she said giving the name of the reputed firm she worked at.

“Cool! I work right opposite…STC”.

“Is it?!Wow!..that makes us neighbours!”,..and she giggled.

Back in college he had always thought that there should be a government ban on giggling..specially when  girls did it after some kind of stupid situation..(like when your girlfriend of 6 months ditched you and was going around with a better looking guy)…But his heart skipped a beat when she giggled at him and he couldn’t help smiling back.

The wind started howling. He looked at her. She was saying something. He gestured that he couldn’t hear her..and moved closer.

“You know the bus timings?”she yelled over the wind.

“There’s usually one every 15 mins” he yelled back.

He reminded her of someone. Up close she noticed that he was wearing a shirt manufactured for the company she worked with and she smiled at ta tag.

He looked at her questioningly.

“I work for them”, she said pointing to the label. She had to move close for him to hear that.

“Oh!!Hey nice! Your  lucky husband!..m sure you get loads of free mens stuff there!”,he joked.

She smiled,but there was a  very distant look on her face or was he just imagining it?..

“So what do you get at the end of the year sales?..free stuff?”

“Well,shirts mostly,”she answered,”and ties,..belts…we got perfumes once.”

“Whoa!! Paradise!..I should marry someone who works there”

She laughed at that..”Well,you could forward me your resume.I could circulate it!!..”

“With pleasure..its already been circulate far and wide.Its a wonder it hasn’t reached your office yet!My mother’s really busy with the girl hunt..maybe I could save her the effort!!”

They laughed…feeling comfortable with each other..She noticed that he had a very   nice nose..kinda like her dad’s!!

“So how long have you been married?..4 years?”..he asked.

“Oh no…second year running”..

“Oh..kay…”…but the kid’s 3 years old he thought..

“Betu’s from my husband’s first marriage”..she said.

He looked at her surprised.How had she known what he had been thinking?

“I get that look often..”she offered as an explanation..”Its alright.”

“Oh!!..my face says it all hmm?..sorry about that..”

“Its really alright!”,she replied again…but again there was that far away look on her face..There was something..He wanted to know more..Wanted to wipe that sad look and bring back that happy smile.Something was pullinh him towards her…

He was looking at her, and she could feel herself drawn to him…a stranger..a total stranger..yet there was something…like they’d known each other for long.

As he lowered his head towards her and looked right into her eyes it was as though…

“Its really alright?”he asked softly.

She nodded .

They stared at each other unable to tear the eyes apart.

Suddenly the sound of an approaching bus honking loudly jolted them.

“BUS!!”she yelled moving onto the road. As it slowed down towards them ,she looked back and smiled at him…”So your resume?”

“You’ll get it..”,he answered unsmilingly…still unable to bring himself to look away from her.

She nodded..and got onto the bus that she now wished hadn’t stopped.

She looked back.. into his eyes..and there was that same pull…she didn’t even know his name.

He kept looking at her.As the bus moved he actually felt a tug at his heart strings!...She became a tiny obscure blur..thats when he was able to turn his head.

He swallowed…the next bus was within another 15 minutes..but now he really needed a smoke. He moved towards the chai stall. It had stopped raining too.

She could see him moving..and wondered if they would cross paths ever again.

when it was raining..

Its raining…started of with a slight drizzle…but now its been sparked off by the lightening and applauded by the thunder…later on thy’l all calm down..and only thea drizzle wud be left..pitter patter raindrops..a wet pavement…and then sunshine again..

It reminds me of life…that’s wat they-the wise ones say right??...good and bad times follow each other..we just have to keep going..?..When its bad..its REALLY bad…one big dark tunnelwhich doesn’t seem to have an end or an opening..you g rope your way through, tripping and falling in the dark,not sure where its leading you to and then all of a sudden a crack in the wall appears and light seams through…GOOD times again..sunshine and happiness.

Isn’t that how a thunderstorm is?While it lasts its all dark..everyone’s running for cover,shielding their loved ones,bolting their doors….but their’s something beautiful about the storm as well.Dare to stand out and hold your arms out to the rain and you’d be able to feel the beauty.Fear its grandeur but embrace its beauty.Maybe that’s how we’re supposed to deal with life too..running away’s never an option they(the wise guys again!)say…cos the darkness always supercedes you.Maybe you’re supposed to carry your lantern..your courage to tackle it..And when it gets too dark to bear..maybe you just have to close your eyes and imagine the sunshine streaming in…

I’m loosing it!!..Life and rain!!When you’re going through a tough phase in life you’re so busy blowing your nose and crying that you hardly have time to wipe tears and imagine "sunshine streaming in"!!!
...what crap!!…Lord!  Ineed some air!....

I’m off to the terrace…before this rain subsides….adieu!!

life is craaazzaaiiiiiiiiiii

10 yrs down ta lane…I wanna be really settled in life..and happy wid ta way things are…I wanna be running to wrk..rather than away from it!....I’ve seen ppl run away from work cos they hate wat  they’re  doing.…and at 26..i think…I’m guessing that I wud be happy teaching….mind u..m still not too sure of this…

all ma life I’ve been ta fluctuating kinda…I remember at the age of 3..i really wanted to be a doctor…help people..and all that…that lasted till when I was in the 10^th grade..Think it was the exam, entrance exam that putt me off!!!...dunno!anyways..By the end of my 12^th std...Doctoring”..was the last thing I wanted to do….”no life”….that was ma excuse!!!...and then…it went on to …journalism…hehe…yeah I know..rt frm the biology text to my Shakespeare!!!...lollz..wat put me to it?..well call me crazy…but ta answer is a movie..”pathram”….a Malayalam movie flick…hehe!..n when did I realize that?...when I’d finally joined for a journalism course at one of the best colleges in the country…and in the first class one of the staff had taken it to ask the students the usual..”name and about yrself..and why did you join the course”…I still really don’t know why I said it was a movie that made me do choose journalism!!..hehe!!everyone else in the class was giving such elaborate reasons for choosing the field..and I had none!...that’s when the movie came to mind!!...and I just tried to convince the rest of the class…and myself..that was the reason I was seated in the class!!...

That stint lasted for 3 months!Thats it!!...by the end of those three months..I just knew that I wasn’t cut out for anything of that sort…I would NOT run around and cover the news!!Hell! I hardly knew what was going on in my country!!!...and I was missing ma mom!!..(That sounds bad I know..I sound like one spoiled brat!!)

And then I headed home…and as luck would have it…ma parents were still against my decision of joining the journalism course…safety was there concern…and well….err….I hate saying this but I kind of just played along…bad girl me!!!!

Hehe…and well…I was made to join engineering course…AND I have no regrets about that!!...I made the best of my friends there…met the love of ma life… (to whom I’m currently married ;)..)…and in short had the greatest time ever…Completed the course…worked for a couple of years…and again had an awesome time..made new friends…picked up more on life…went for higher studies..got married in between..to the afore mentioned “love of my life”…still studying…hoping to complete the course…go teach somewhere…and by the end of 10 years….just want to be happy!!!

Did I mention that I would like to do a course in interior designing some time???!!!

Wonder if I’ll get tym to squeeze it somewhere in life!!

cross roads

It was the same..as though nothing had changed in the past few weeks…the same bus conductor..who never had change..the same cobbler by the municipal office building..the same guard who glared at her as she went through…all the familiar faces..They’d never exchanged a word the past two years..not much of a smile either..It was just the flash of recognition…but there was something very comforting about that…

It had been an entire two months trial…the courts,..cases…sheets of paper to be signed in..attorneys rushing around in their black coats..how she’d always hated those  uniforms!..and it seemed that she’d spent an entire lifetime between figures clad in black and white…

It was such a relief to be back..away from all that..amongst familiar yet unfamiliar faces..There was something about the city that put her at ease..She’d shifted to a new paying guest accommodation..which meant that she didn’t have to deal with the pitying looks and all the sympathy!...Well,of course she’d to deal with it at work..but that was ok…all she had to do was keep glued to her seat and system..Everyone had their own problems…so they hardly had time to sympathise,.., empathise..or whatever!!..she remembered the look on the milk man’s face when she’d gone to get milk last week…oh!!thats was when she’d decided that she had to get back to the city ASAP!!!

The divorce had been smooth..everything had been amicably settled.She had just wanted to get out of the relationship as soon as it was possible. ..she’d put up with it for more than a year..she din’t want even to think about the past anymore..he had been cheating on her…right from day one…..caught him multiple times..with different women. She had talked to him about it...She’d thought that they had matters settled between them finally…home had seen much more pleasant..it had seemed that he was making time for her…that was when she caught him with the new maid…and that was IT!!!!...

As she walked down the path..she wondered at her ability to cope with the decision.To be brutually honest,it hadn’t been too hard.True,it had taken a toll on everyone’s life at home..but well,they’d never been aware of the real situation.She’d never spoken about it .They had tried talking to her about it…brought in close aunts and uncles into the picture…but she’d never budged from the decision that she’d taken…and Thank God for that…!!The very prospect of walking into the same room where he was irked her…maybe time would heal it all….But to make a long story short..it had been easy on her as they had never actually been soul mates..there had been something missing from the relationship right from the start.She had tried to better matters between them,but it hadn’t worked…he’d been quite alright with the normal husband duties..been caring considerate..and all that..but..there was that BUT.Maybe that was what caused his philandering ways….maybe she was also partly responsible for it…

 They were better off apart..she was now free from the nauseating crushing feeling from within..and somehow the world seemed a better place..She was all set to start from scratch..to hone her writing skills again which she had abandoned without as much as a backward glance..She had to carve a place for herself both at work and between friend circles..

His side:

He was at ease..finally. Sure,things were definitely moving his way..but then they were destined to.No woman would put up with what he done…and he had known she would leave…

He smiled to himself..how little she had known him..she had accussed him of being a womanizer of all things!!!..hehe!!well,of course he had set it all up so that she could accuse him of that..but it did seem so out of his league!...and so he had told pratheesh…but then pratheesh had pointed out that it was the only way she would want to let go of the relation without being hurt…and it was true.If he had tried to speak to her,without letting out the truth..it would have brought about years of despair..and she would probably never get out of it…This way it was better. he could stand the hatred.

He thought of the day his father had brought forward the proposal..at that time he had thought that he would be able to skirt around and escape..as always..but things didn’t work.Befor he knew it,things were finalized and a day was fixed…and then..he was married!!!..He wasn’t a bad guy..he knew that she deserved better..more than he would ever be able to give her..and he couldn’t get himself to tell her the truth.He spoke to Pratheesh about it..and that’s when they came up with their plan..the usual philandering..that would always result in separation of the couple. He had thought that she would move out at the first sighting itself..that she would get angry and just pack her bags and leave.But that did not happen..She stayed..and he had to put up the act more than a couple of times..But she was just so patient with him..he knew that he would have been a very lucky man..if things were otherwise.When she had brought the matter to him..and had finally sat down and spoken to him,that’s when he realized all that she had been through for his sake..and he hated himself for it.He thought he would try to be the husband she wanted…give it a shot at least..and true..,life did seem so much pleasant then…but from the outside.The truth churned within him,..and every night as he llay down beside her,all he could he could think about was him.

Once he had talked to her,he had brought the matter to him,Pratheesh..and told him that he had decided to give it another shot and be with her.He had understood..as always..And he had stood by him.

“If you think you’ve gotta do it..then go for it..I’l always be here.”Pratheesh had said.

Pratheesh had never had to be at cross roads with his identity.He had known that he was a misfit in the society and had been open about.His folk had had time to accept him the way he was..and had never bothered him with marriage.He  had shifted to the city and that’s when he had met Sandeep.

It would always be something that normal people would never understand..but they had fell in love right at the start.There was something that drew them together..a certain void filled within..Pratheesh had understood it from the start.Sandeep had taken time..been revolted at himself..for his seemingly abnormal tendencies..but then had finally fallen into the flow..as life would have him. People would say that it was going against nature..but to them there seemed nothing more natural..it was almost like it was what they had been waiting for all life.

That’s when Sandeep was forced into marriage with Rita…he had done his best to go against his family..but somehow things went out of hand..and before he knew it,He was living with her in the city.

“Lets get to know each other first..before we..err..consumate our marriage?”he had asked her delicately on their first night together.She had looked surprised ..but agreed..thankfully..and the “getting to know each other”..stretched for an entire year..with his little escapades filling in a major portion of that one year..When they had had their li’l talk…hmm..that’s when he realized that maybe he ought to put in a bit of effort into the marriage.And he had tried…given it his best shot actually..but she was never the one he wanted to be with towards the end of the day.It was always Pratheesh.So he had spoken to him and they planned the final episode together..with the newly appointed maid.It had worked…and thus came an end to  their life together.

He had moved in with Pratheesh on the pretext of lowering expenses with sharing a flat.And finally he was at peace.She had moved back to the city,where she had been working before the wedding..and through the disastrous year of their marriage.he could never bring himself to be honest with himself with his parents.His father,being the ex-military..might as well as fire at him!..They were upset ..of course..but there were no talks of marriage at the moment..He was satisfied with the way things were.

Life would move on.

Coffee at Bens

“Hmmm..Well they cud just as well put a notice saying.. ‘We’ve already recruited!!’”,she thought to herself as she walked down ta street. The ppl who were chosen wer those who knew ta management..at least most of them,cos she had seen them discretely nodding and smiling as they had entered the hall.
“Shut up Joanne!”,she chastened herself..”Just cos you dint get thru doesn’t mean tat those who did get thru cheated their way in…and even if they did…lucky them!!!Count yr blessings gal rather than grudging others theirs!!”,she sighed.”Now that’s a sentence oft repeated”, she thought dryly.She had been searching for a job for the past three months now…but with no luck. The doors were closed wherever she’d knocked so far..”we’re not hiring”… “Maybe you could try next year”…”sorry”…was all she seemed to be hearing lately….
The street was crowded..a perfect place for those who wanted to be lost in the crowd...4months ago it had all been so different..life had been very kind to them all…maybe exceedingly so,cos that might’ve been why papa had been taken away from their midst…all it had taken was a couple of seconds for everything to have changed for ever…papa being rushed to ta hospital..mamma tensed..pale..the sorry faces of ta doctors..People hugging her..mamma wailing..jenny looking up at her..all lost and not quite understanding matters..It din’t sink in till after a week…when she had folded ta washed clothes as usual..and went to keep them in his side of the cupboard…it suddenly dawned to her that he’d never again unbutton those shirts..that she’d never hear him yelling at her for not starching his white shirt…or ask her to find his missing sock….That was when it had actually sunk in..n she’d broken down…It had taken her a month to recover fully…and life had to go on.They’d never been rich.But papa’s income had sustained them.Now that his savings were dwindling..and mama’s earnings at ta grocery store was not enuf to pay jenny’s fees and sustain them for a month,she had to get a job…but things had been bad so far.She perched herself on a rusty stool of ta restaurant she’d known from schooldays,”Ben’s”..it was called.The only place wer she’d get a tea within her budget ,which was rather meager.
The tea was served…and as she twirled ta spoon to cool her ruffled feathers..rather than the already cool beverage..she noticed a begger moving down the street.His walk was rather srange…he was staring ahead as though he had lost something..but cudnt quite understand wat it was!He stood still breathing in deeply..u cud make that out..he was scarcely clothed..and his bones were jutting out of the coarse fabric covering his body.And his face was slightly tilted to ta side…as though he was remembering something.He closed his eyes for a few seconds….took in a deep breath..and then his face suddenly lit up in a smile..He suddenly opened his eyes and started looking around.his eyes fell on the the tiny window of “Ben’s” kitchen.And his smile widened.
He made his way towards the shop.She could see him from where she was seated..as he crossed the street to make his way,towards where his eyes and feet seemed to lead him… His eyes..they seemed to feast on the exhaust fan!She smiled at ta mesmerized expression on his face as he stood below the exhaust..but the smile faded into grim realization..as he took deep breaths in.She realized that he was taken in by the smell tat wafted down from the exhaust..hmm..it was ta rather pungent odour of left over remnants of ta day being heated again ..to make something edible….but it might have seemed like fragrance to him.At least tats what she could say from the look on his face.He took a deep breath in and then settled down below ta exhaust…spread his piece f clothe on ta floor and sat down beside it.He rattled his coin box as he sat down to get ta attention of passers by..but ter was something abt his expression tat made u think tat he was happy abt something…maybe it was ta way tat he stared idly at his box..his eyes somewer far away..
That expression on his face reminded her of something…she’d seen the same expression on Jenny’s face last week when they had gone to Aunt Maggies place.Her little daughter had been playing with one of those barbies you get to see everywhere…blonde long hair…pink outfit..and all that.She’d hugged ta little kid and had turned away..thats when she’d caught site of Jenny’s expression.And she’d known what it had meant then.Jenny’s Barbie had bitten to pieces by their old dog..and papa had promised her a new one on her birthday which was a month after he’d died.Young though she was Jenny had been quick enuf to understand that things were currently bad for them..and had not demanded her birthday gift.Her birthday had been a rather sober affair..being the first actual occasion for which papa was not with them .Mama had broken down midway…and even she had had trouble holding back her tears…

“That expression on Jenny’s face..it was the same as that of this man..”,she thot to herself…”of wanting but knowing for sure that it was something she cudnt have…yet happy at ta prospect of being able to enjoy while it lasted…as long as she was near the doll.”

She sighed to herself and got up to pay for her tea.Things had to get better.She’d make sure that they did.